the secret’s out

(via xkcd)

this post is awesome like a post i read that was also awesome.

This is kind of old, but we talked about this in class so I found it online and thought it would be funny to share. These were written by students and submitted by high school english teachers for a 1999 Washington Post humor contest.

Enjoy!
-Poon

The 25 Funniest Analogies (Collected by High School English Teachers)

1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a ThighMaster.

2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.

5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.

8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife’s infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.

9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.

10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.

11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you’re on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.

12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.

13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan’s teeth.

16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River.

18. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long it had rusted shut.

19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.

22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

23. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.

25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

[Writing English Blog]

Real Life Superheroes?

http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/living/2009/04/28/dnt.oh.shadowhare.superhero.wlwt

A little bit weird, a little funny, a little confusing, but the very least interesting.

HH

Very Cool Stop Motion

Very cool. Kind of makes me dizzy though.

HH

Caaaaarrl

This keeps cracking me up.

my stomach is making the rumblies!!

-Poon

One word…

ridiculous…

32 Songs in 8 Minutes

An awesome medley of 32 songs including childhood shows, internet memes, and other popular songs. This makes me want to learn some of these.

-Poon

Understanding the Credit Crisis

Let me be honest, if someone were to approach me and ask why the economy is the way it is right now I would probably say something along the lines of handing out too many mortgages to people who can’t pay and mention how there was just too much borrowed money. It would get me by, but I really don’t have a conceptual understanding of why those things occurred and it certainly isn’t enough knowledge to have an opinion on economic decisions being made in the news.

Perhaps I’m just uniquely ignorant, but I’m willing to bet that most people wouldn’t be able to explain it all very clearly if they had to. I feel like since it’s something that’s all over the news and heard and talked about every day, everyone just goes along as if they know what’s going on. Bits and pieces are gathered from hearing “who’s to blame” and what’s being done, then reactions are formed based on limited understanding. Everyone’s walking around with their emperor’s knowledge hoping no one calls them out because, of course, you’d be stupid NOT to understand.

But again, perhaps I’m uniquely ignorant.

In any case, I came across this video that does a pretty good job of explaining on a basic level what led up to the economic collapse. It’s really well done and the graphics keep your attention– which is important because, of course, this is all refresher anyways, right?

Enjoy!

Consumerist article

[Poon]

p.s. Is that use of semi-colon correct? I just guessed.

Close Calls

Videos of people getting owned are fantastic. Yea maybe I’m a little bit of a sicko. However, after watching this, I must say that videos of people narrowly miss getting destroyed are even better. I mouthed the words ‘wow’ more than once during this video. Enjoy!

HH

La Policia Mexicana

I’ve already sent this video to everyone and their mothers, but just in case you haven’t seen it…

Not counting the Digital Shorts, which is pretty much the lonely island’s brainchild, this is one of the funnier snl skits I’ve seen in a while.

Hola. Me llamo [Poon]