the lonely cloud

I realize that this post is a bit of a change of pace for this blog, so i hope people don’t get scared and disorientated.  Do not fear, I will guide you through this post. First, you must imagine that this post is a monologue read in Japanese in a serious but dramatic tone.  What you read below is just the subtitles to that. Second this music must be playing in the background:

Ok got it? now you may read on:

seminary life has gotten really crazy busy, the readings, the Hebrew, the papers, work, church… and the list goes on. I find myself in a perpetual state of doing stuff.  However the other day I somehow managed a half hour of free time.  I sat down infront of my computer and immediately launched into a rutualistic order of actions:  open up firefox, check the blog, tab over to facebook check the wall, turned on aim put on an away message (to appear busy, though i am secretly hoping people will im me), open email client look for new messages, and finally pulled out my phone and set it down on my desk.  So far this is nothing out of the ordinary for most people, however, once the ritual was complete i repeat it again, and again, refreshing the same page ever and over, checking my phone again and again scrolling up and down the unchanged facebook wall, staring at my buddy list…. waiting…waiting…for a comment, an email, a text, anything…anyone

suddenly i realize that I am…lonely.

A loneliness that has been hidden amidst all the business and the new people.  I realize that no one here really knows who I am.
I am like this cloud:

cloud, i feel you buddy.

-joe-